I open my eyes, and look around at my surroundings.  In the dim 
light of early morning, I see that I have stumbled onto a small park.  
Several feet away is a deserted playground, and the swings creak softly 
in the gentle breeze that blows through the field.

	It isn't what I would have picked as my first choice, for 
somewhere to spend the night.  But then, I rarely get to choose where I 
spend the night.

	I don't remember how I got here.  I remember running away... 
desperate to get as far as possible from Nerima.

	Akane married Ranma.

	The thought hits my mind like a lightning bolt.  It is harsh, 
illuminating, and very painful.  The events of the past day come 
rushing back to me, and I remember everything.

	Akane married Ranma.

	That's right... she has.  The one person I loved more than life 
itself, my very reason for existence, is gone.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I grimace in pain, telling my mind to shut up.  I lay back down 
on the ground, and for long moments I watch the clouds overhead.  They 
seem to get further and further away as I sink deeper and deeper into 
the abyss of my depression.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I roll over, trying in vain to silence the voice in my head that 
mocks my pain with its constant reminder.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I chuckle bitterly at the irony of it all.  After all this time, 
after all the years of pain... Ranma finally won.  These past few years 
of my life has been nothing but pain and turmoil- and it has all been 
in vain.

	I might as well have never lived.

	I suppose I could go after him now.  Yell "Ranma, prepare to 
die," like I always do.  Somehow, though, I can't bring myself to do 
that.  I haven't forgiven him, but carrying on my vendetta just doesn't 
seem like it's worth the effort anymore.  In every way that matters, he 
has won.  After all, he married Akane.

	It occurs to me that the day is getting lighter; the Sun has 
almost risen, and soon people will come to the park.  Children will 
come to play on the playground, and they won't want to see a vagabond 
me like sitting here.

	Maybe I should move.

	What's the point? I think angrily.  The worst thing that will 
happen is that a police officer will tell me to get lost.  When that 
happens, then I'll do something.  It's not worth the trouble to move 
yet.

	But now that I know... what I know, is anything worth the trouble 
anymore?

	It's times like this that I usually just use the Shi Shi Hokodan 
to get rid of my depression.  But there's really no use... it always 
comes back.  Even if I made a billion Shi Shi Hokodans, it would still 
come back.

	I make a small ball of light appear at the end of my finger.  
"Shi Shi Hokodan," I mutter softly, and let the tiny point of light 
sail away harmlessly into the atmosphere.  After a few seconds the 
point of light has disappeared, swallowed up by the dim light of the 
early morning.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I know that as long as that thought exists in my head, this cloud 
of depression will hang over me.  Sighing, I get up, and roll up my 
mat.  Slinging my backback over my shoulders, I walk toward the exit.  
I might as well leave.  All I care about now is putting as much 
distance between myself and Nerima as is physically possible.  Maybe if 
I get far enough away, I can eventually forget.

	A jogger runs by the park entrance, and then does a double take.  
She looks at me.  "Ryoga?"

	My knees almost buckle I realize who it is standing there.

	Akane.

	Damn it!  I shouldn't even be near Nerima!  I left yesterday 
afternoon, and walked hours before I finally stopped!  Why the hell am 
I still in Nerima?

	My sense of direction.  My eternal curse.  Jusenkyo is nothing 
compared to this.

	"Ryoga, are you all right?"

	I snap out of my thoughts and look at her.  She's out of my 
reach, now... she might as well be a thousand miles away.

	I wish she was.

	"Yeah, I'm fine, Akane."  I try to smile at her, to prove my 
point.

	Of course, she sees right through me.  "You look terrible, 
Ryoga.  Why don't you come home with me?  You can get a bath, and some 
food... it's no problem."

	Why don't you come with me, she asks.  What does she think I am, 
her pet?

	Oh, wait.  I am her pet.  Correction- was her pet.

	Not anymore.

	"No thanks, Akane.  I'd better get going."  I smile sadly, and 
walk away from her.  "Have a nice life, Akane."

	She yells something at me, but I don't hear what she says.  I 
just keep walking.  Eventually, I can't hear her anymore.  Now I'm free 
to leave.  Finally...

	But wait.  An image comes to me... something that happened 
countless time in the past.  Wherever I went in my travels, I always 
seemed to show up at the Tendo Dojo.  If there was one place to which I 
kept returning, it was always the Tendo Dojo.  Will this keep happening?

	I don't think I could live with myself if I kept having to see 
Akane.  Or worse... Akane and Ranma.

	So that's it, then.  I'm doomed.  Akane and Ranma will always be 
part of my life.. always there, smiling and reminding me of my 
complete and utter failure.

	The thought brings me so much pain that I make a decision.  I 
will keep walking on this road.  I will keep walking straight, until I 
am safely away from anything or anybody that could stop me.

	Then I will die.  It's not hard.  I could use a Shi Shi Hokodan, 
properly executed, and in my current state pulling off a Shi Shi 
Hokodan would be the easiest thing in the world.  Easier than 
breathing... easier than living.

	I have a knife in my pack.  I could use that, too.  It would 
probably be a more painful way of going, but it seems strangely 
appropriate- I suppose it would be more traditional, you know, honor, 
the old ways, and all that crap.  Besides, the pain of death could not 
be anything compared to the pain I feel now.

	The Sun rises high in the sky, beating down on me.  It doesn't 
matter anymore.  I keep walking, ignoring the sweat that is beginning 
to pour down my face.  The constant exertion is starting to put a 
strain on my body, but I don't feel it.  My body may be walking down a 
road, but my mind is somewhere else- sinking deeper and deeper into the 
hell that my depression has created, and growing increasingly distant 
from the physical world around me.

	All I know for sure is that I am still traveling along the same 
road that I have been for hours.  With a great deal of willpower, I 
finally stop walking and look around.  I am out of Tokyo now; I have 
reached the country.  There is nobody in sight, and if I disappear out 
here then the chances are slim that news of my death will ever reach 
the ears of anybody who cares.  Kami knows there are few enough of 
those people.

	I walk off the road a bit, into a densely wooded area.  I still 
haven't decided how I'm going to do this.  Stabbing myself would 
require taking off my backpack, rummaging through it, finding the 
knife... much more effort than a simple ki blast.  Right now, all I 
want is to end the pain as quickly as possible.

	A ki blast would be messy, though, and it leaves an obvious 
signature.  Very few people can do a ki blast, and if Akane or Ranma 
ever heard about it they'd know it was me.

	I don't want them to mourn me.  I don't want to be part of their 
life, in any sense of the word.  Committing suicide with a knife is 
something anybody can do, so news of my death would probably be less 
widespread and less likely to reach the ears of Ranma and Akane.  A ki 
blast, with all its violence and gore, would be on the news all over 
Japan.

	The knife it is, then.

	I take off my backpack,and rummage through it.  I pull out some 
cooking pans, a length of rope, a small cooking stove, a kettle...

	I smile.  I won't be needing that anymore.  Once I'm dead, I 
won't have to worry about that stupid Jusenkyo curse.

	It's just one more reason to get this over with.

	I have to laugh at the next thing I pull out.  It's a ziploc bag, 
and in it are pictures.  Pictures of Akane, that I bought from Nabiki 
on the all-too-rare occasions when I visited the Tendo Dojo in human 
form.  I am tempted to look through them one last time, but I put them 
aside.  I don't want to prolong this any longer than I have to.  No 
more Akane.  No more pain.

	I pull out the knife.  It's a simple blade, but more than enough 
to do the trick.  It was given to me by my father many years ago.

	I hesitate for the first time.  My father.. my family.  Maybe I 
shouldn't do this after all.

	I angrily push those thoughts out of my mind, wiping away the 
tears that have suddenly formed in my eyes.  With all of us wandering 
around Japan, we hardly ever see each other anyway.  it'll probably be 
years before they even realize that something's happened to me.

	I load everything back into my backpack, except for the knife, a 
lighter, and the pictures of Akane.  The pictures are the only things I 
carry that could link me back to the Tendos, and as they burn I feel 
the agony of loss, but I also find that a strange calm has descended on 
me.  With the burning of the pictures I have severed my last link with 
my old life, and I feel strangely free.

	Enough of that.  With a bitter determination, I pick up the knife 
from the ground.  I look at it for a moment, reflecting on the way the 
Sun glints off the blade.  It's quite beautiful.  Almost wistfully now, 
I grip the knife and hold it quivering several inches from my gut.

	Suddenly, I hear a twig snap nearby.  I snap my head around, and 
see a figure standing there.  I don't recognize it at first, but then 
she speaks.

	"Ryoga?"

	You would think that it's impossible to have your spirits soar as 
high as the Sun at the same time as they plummet downward.  I can tell 
you that it is very possible, and it is very painful.  I don't know 
what to say.

	"A-Akari?"

	I don't know what to say.  I want to leap up and hug her, and I 
want to curse her very existence.

	She steps forward.  "I thought I saw you walking this way.  I 
tried to call out to you, but you didn't hear me.  Are you all right?"

	I rack my brain trying to think of a response.  She steps toward 
me, and I hang my head in shame.  I never thought about Akari.  The 
pain that Akane's marriage caused me was so overwhelming that I 
couldn't think of anything else.  I still don't know whether to be 
glad she's here or not.  I think it would have been better if she had 
left me to die.

	She is at my side now, and I quickly tuck the dagger into my belt 
so it is out of sight.  She kneels down next to me, and looks at me.  I 
turn away.

	Sometimes I wonder if my sense of direction is as random as I 
think it is.  First Akane, then Akari.  It's almost as if it takes a 
perserve pleasure in leading me where I don't want to go, tormenting 
me- why else can I get so lost, yet at the same time I can find my way 
back to places when I never want to be there?  Somehow, I have come to 
Akari's home.

	Fate is either trying to save my life or cause me as much pain as 
is humanly possible before I die.  I'm not fond of either answer.  
Akari is in front of me now, trying to look into my eyes.  I close 
them.  "Ryoga dearest, speak to me.  What's wrong?"

	Finally, reluctantly, I look up at her.  She looks at me 
expectantly, and I sigh.  I can't lie to her, but at the same time I 
don't want to tell her the truth.  I settle for an evasion.

	"You wouldn't understand," I say.

	She looks at me with a confused look, and reaches forward.  Her 
hands clasp my shoulders, and she brings herself forward to hug me.  I 
find it comforting, and cannot help but hug her back.  We release each 
other, and I look into her eyes again.

	Part of me is thinking that her face is the most beautiful thing 
in the world to look at.  The other part is thinking that her face is 
the most painful thing in the world to look at.  But I know that's a 
lie- Akane's face has already claimed the latter distinction, and 
possibly the former as well.

	Do I love Akari?  I don't know.  But it's hard to ignore what I'm 
feeling now.  She's watching me with a concerned look, and I can't help 
but feel touched.  It's good to know someone still cares about me, even 
when I don't.

	"Come on, Ryoga... why don't you come home with me?"

	I have to chuckle at that.  Akane used those same words just this 
morning.  It seems like everyone thinks I'm a pet of some sort.

	Still... there's a difference.  In Akane's voice, there was 
pity.  She felt sorry for me.  That was the only thing she ever felt 
for me.  Pity.  She might have loved P-chan, but that was as a pet.  As 
a human, I realize that she never loved me.. only pitied me.  Ranma, 
stop picking on poor Ryoga.  Ranma, leave him alone.  Ranma, don't 
bully the weak.

	That's all I ever was to her... a weak thing, to be pitied and 
sheltered... never to be loved.

	In Akari's voice, though, I hear something more... I hear love.  
She is asking not because she feels sorry for me, but because she loves 
me.

	That must count for something, right?  I smile at her, and I 
nod.  "Okay."

	She smiles back, and in that smile I see a future.  My life might 
have been destroyed by Ranma and Akane, but in Akari's smile I see a 
chance for a new life.  I see hope, I see.. well, actually, I'm not 
sure what I see, but it's wonderful.

	We both stand up, and I offer her an apology for making her 
worry.  She smiles understandingly.  Now that I'm here, I don't think I 
could ever get enough of that smile.  I pick up my backpack, and swing 
it over my shoulder.  She puts her arm around mine, and we walk back 
toward the road.

	As we walk, I feel something slip on my belt.  Looking back, I 
see that the knife has fallen to the ground.  The knife my father gave 
me.  I pause to go back and get it.

	She stops, and look at me questioningly.  "Is something wrong, 
Ryoga dearest?"

	I look at the knife again.  It glints in the sunlight, and I make 
another decision.

	"No," I turn back toward her.  "Nothing's wrong."

	She smiles at me, and we walk away from the woods.  By leaving 
behind the knife, I feel that in a sense I leave behind my old life, my 
old mistakes; I leave behind what might have been, in exchange for what 
might yet be.  And while I still may not be sure where I'm going, at 
least I'm on my way.

-THE END-